Re: Improvement/Critique Thread

by SimplyMoon Sun Jan 12, 2020 4:47 pm

http://afwrpg.forumotion.com/t19052p40-ss-19-rising-star-championship-yukina-c-vs-aisha-love#531022

http://afwrpg.forumotion.com/t19171p20-love-and-passion-zulime-lafitte-vs-aphrodite-love-of-the-world-in-a-hentai-match#530973

http://afwrpg.forumotion.com/t19331p10-maria-tempesta-vs-ragna-lemoine#530971

by skip-stop Sat Oct 10, 2020 8:29 pm

Hi hi. I'm still skip-stop and I'm still in touch!

So, I think this is obvious, but I would like to receive constructive criticism of my posts, my profiles and my writing style. I am constantly trying to make my posts better and would really like you to help me with it. I would be grateful for any feedback, both positive and negative. If you have a desire to give me feedback, then Discord is the best option. My Discord tag is skip-stop#4063. However, pm on the forum or post here it's also an option.

Here's the links to the profiles of my four main characters:
Astrid Arvidsson / Golden Dragon
Charlotte Ravel' / Sand Lizard
Lunara Ashmore / Jaguarundi / Lady Hardstyle
Margarita Jorgensen / Sea Star

And here's the links to a few of my threads:
Astrid Arvidsson vs Mari Fuuma
Charlotte Ravel' vs Alaina Sanders
Margarita Jorgensen vs Eka Guramishvili
Lunara Ashmore vs Claudia Augusta
Charlotte Ravel' and Alaina Sanders
Lunara Ashmore and Claudia Augusta

I can answer in advance the question I have heard several times. "Why is direct speech in your posts like a terrible homunculus?". Good and fair question. Because writing of a direct speech in English language looks non-literary for me. In my native language, direct speech can be written in two ways, and I use both to separate the words and thoughts of my characters. However, recently I began to try to get used to writing direct speech the way it is in English. Hope this will soon become the norm for me.

Thank you very much for your attention and time!

by Himo-Läski Homer Sat Jul 31, 2021 4:47 pm

Good evening.

I've been working on a character with the idea of being a "small packed powerhouse". She would mostly use powerful throws and lifts. However, her personal gimmick is actually being a "sports entertainment" wrestler, who has only earlier wrestled in scripted leagues. This, in turn, would create awkward situations when she's unable to lift her opponent. Do you think this would work well, or should I try a more straightforward approach for my first character?

by **Yori** Sat Jul 31, 2021 4:59 pm

Himo-Läski Homer wrote:Good evening.

I've been working on a character with the idea of being a "small packed powerhouse". She would mostly use powerful throws and lifts. However, her personal gimmick is actually being a "sports entertainment" wrestler, who has only earlier wrestled in scripted leagues. This, in turn, would create awkward situations when she's unable to lift her opponent. Do you think this would work well, or should I try a more straightforward approach for my first character?

This seems like a perfectly fine idea to me, and a rather fun to toy around with gimmick. It reminds me somewhat of the basis behind a Disney movie called Bolt where the primary character believes they have super powers, but they don't.

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