Endtroducing... (Hi Everyone!)

Taylor Sparks made her way down to the ring, humming to herself. The arena was completely empty, but there were plenty of Friction girls about backstage and in the gym. She had made her way through everywhere backstage and turned on every TV and monitor she could find to make sure she was heard back there. She was ready to announce her arrival to the rest of Friction. She carried on her back a thoroughly over-stuffed backpack, strapped over a big sweatshirt with a red plaid skirt barely poking out from under it.

She hopped up onto the ring apron and stepped over the bottom rope, but when she went to duck under the middle rope like usual, the backpack caught and she became stupidly stuck for a moment. With an irritated noise,she fought her way through the ropes and scrambled to her feet. That was not a great start. She hung the backpack over a turnbuckle, found herself a microphone and settled into the middle of the ring.

"Okay, I know you guys can all hear me back there, I think. I've got some stuff to say, so listen up, okay?

"So I'm new here, and my name is Taylor. Hi." She waved at a camera with a big grin. "First, I'd like to lay down some ground rules for my visit here. Rule number one!" she called, stabbing one finger high up in the air. "Alllll you freaky sex-fighting hen-tie-whatever people, stay faaaar away from me. For real. I WILL press charges." She shudders. "So gross."

"Rule number two! Nobody better stare at my ass, like, ever... unless I say it's okay, then it's okay, I guess." She paused for a moment and stared off into space. "Um...Okay, there's more rules, I think, but those are the important ones. Let's move on! I don't want to lose anyone's attention."

"I HAVE PRESENTS!" she spiked the microphone on the mat and bounced off to retrieve her backpack. She looked around for a moment before she found where the mic got off to and scooped it back up. "Okay, so, I haven't been here long and I haven't fought and everything, but I have some ob-ser-va-tions." She enunciated very carefully as if talking to an idiot.

"I've been watching matches, ya know, you guys, and I've got to say... you guys are all teeeeerrrrrrrrr-ible!" she bent forward at the waist and at her knees, for emphasis. She laughed until she ran out of breath.

A long gasp and she continued right along. "None of you guys look like you could even kick your own asses! And you might be thinking right now that that'd actually be pretty hard. And it is, for you!

"But don't worry!" she holds up a finger to pause her "audience". "I will help you! Since I'm both new and amazing, and you all suck, I am willing to volunteer my time to HELP you get BETTER!" she jumped up in the air and kicked her feet up behind her. "I mean, the lesson plan might just be my kicking your ass, ed-du-ca-tion-all-ly, until you don't suck as bad!"

She held both arms up in the air with a big grin, and then took a bow. "You're welcome, you're welcome. BUT WAIT!! There's more!"

"Okay, so you can't fight, but does that mean that you have to look ridiculous? I think no. I mean, if you guys would just button your pants, you wouldn't need all those suspenders!"

She reached down and unzipped the backpack and hefted it over one shoulder. "So not all of you guys remembered to lock up your lockers, so here I have collected for you all the clothes that were causing you to look so dumb." She reached into the bag and pulled out a blue dress. "You're welcome."

"Arial Lockhart! It's not that you're ugly, it's just that no one looks good in a $5 off-the-rack-from-the-back dress. And you may want to consider some new support... most people find sharp edges alarming. Also you're too small to fight so go home." She rummaged again and this time came up with a small mass of reddish cloth and a boot.

"Kagami! I could never fight you, because I'd feel bad about breaking a little one-eyed homeless 10-year-old dwarf in half. But that doesn't mean you have to look like this! It's like you wait out behind a Hot Topic and wait for them to throw something away. Sorry, but there's nothing salvageable here. Not that you're ugly, just too small and weak and you don't know how to dress. Go home."

Taylor peered into the backpack and grinned. "Okay, next we've got Bonnie Gas-can or whatever. Now, Bonnie, props on the mullet, you'd be the belle of the Motley Crue concert, but unfortunately that really doesn't transfer here. Did you put together this whole outfit from your dad's closet? Are you some sort of ex-military Tennis-specialist? And sorry, but this time, you actually are ugly. Way ugly. There's nothing I can do for you." She stuffed all of the clothes back into the bag and zipped it up.

Taylor laughed and spread her feet far apart, slungs the bag down between her legs with both hands and threw it straight up in the air. By the second try she succeeded in getting it hung up on a light. She grins, proud of herself.

"Oh yeah, and, um," she started, suddenly looking a little sheepish. "Just 'cause I'm new here and I don't know anyone and I don't speak Japanese and stuff, if anyone's got plans tonight, if you're going out, maybe I could come too? I get pretty bored. You can just call me on my cell phone."